Hey yall!

welcome to my blog...this is my life as peytcase... here you'll get nothin but truth, quotes, videos, craziness, and everythin you get from a highschool life!

Friday, December 23, 2011

its all in my head...

hey yall!

so yall know hopefully by now how my mind works...it goes different directions thinkin different things all at once... i should draw a map of my inner sub-conscience one day... it might be a little morbid. but when i have friend problems, you know, the people that i pull down my walls just enough to get close-ish to.
i mean maybe im just over sensitive, definitely not over reactin, but sometimes i take things too seriously, though my better judgement tells me to leave it be. my short fuse inner temper gets the best of me, and i start drivin like a bat outta hell... but when somethin like this happens it just breaks me down. it burns me apart, into specks of ash blowin in the wind.

but can you blame me for being over sensitive?! they dont know how things get processed in my mind...somethin they say can be interpreted as somethin completely different in my head. they dont know how one harmless joke can hurt me so much. i laugh with them so i dont show it hurts me...i hold back so much from yall. and it hurts me that is has to be that way. but its for the best...

i would love to tell you my problems!!! you dont know how badly i want to scream them to the world! how i want to sit and tell you all everything...but i cant find the words and you cant find the right place in your heart to listen the way i want you to. so thats why a very long time ago i told myself i would never tell my friends my problems, its nothin i want to bother them with...my grandma calls me strong for never falling under the haze of bodily harm, if she only knew. i feel like the girl from the flyleaf song "fully alive" i feel like all my bones are broken, i would be glad for one day of comfort....to make up for all the days ive suffered.

do i ever cry in front of them? HELL NO!!!! cryin in front of them shows weakness. i will never cry in front of them. i dont like to be pitied. i dont want your sympathy. its unneeded and unwanted. you asked me that question. you wanted me to tell you my story. then you get all awkward and want to give me sympathy because your life is nothin compared to mine? i dont want it. the fact my life is so screwed up, has opened my eyes to reality. your sheltered life wont cut it with me.i dont put up with pampered life styles..you have everythin you want yet you complain? you need to sit the F*** down!!!! if anythin i feel sorry for you...you dont know that the decisions you make could end up turnin your world upside down...your kids could end up on the same boat as myself and a lot of other people.tired of it all, wanting to get away from it all... at least thats how i feel about it...

anyway thats all im gonna do with this rant...

lovage to ya!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

not how this works...

hey yall!!!

my blood is boilin.
my temper is becomin untamed.
im startin to lose my mind. that fuckin POSER!!!!!
youre not me! you never will! you'll never have the guts to
do the things i do...and you sure as hell cant pull them off if you try.
its been a long drawn out process of the subtle things you do,but now
youre drivin me over the EDGE!

so sweet heart stop tryin to be me, youre not me, you gotta be your own damn person. dont go doin somethin right after i do! im startin to think of you as the creepy ass girl from the room mate!

bitch they call people like you a POSER!!! WANNA-BE!!!!

lovage to yall!!!

Monday, December 19, 2011

messed up...

hey yall!

sooo...i know ive complained about my dad before...but i need to again. so it was sunday and all the family were up at "the place" which is my grandma's land in winfield community near appling, ga. now i love all my siblings so much and wouldnt know what to do without them, but i think my dad treats them different sometimes. treats them better. i mean come on, my grandma can even vouche for me!! so we were on the dock fishin and my brother and i were by ourselves while everyone went on a walk...soon my dad comes along and starts throwin a beetle spin for a few minutes. then he hooks a big bass and hands the rod to my brother. they get the fish to the dock and later they weigh it and its 5 lbs. my dad and step mom freak out and go look for a piece of cedar wood to mount the fish! now pay mind ive got a mallard drake in the freezer thats been waitin to be mounted for 2 years!!! and they are worried about my brother's first fish mount. and i got my first deer a couple weeks back and ive heard no word on gettin that nounted... now who do you think gets treated better? who do you think is more important? when was my piece of cedar looked for 2 years ago??!!! it makes me crazy that he puts all of them before me. i know im the oldest and cant be selfish but thats just takin advantage of my patience. i know it makes me sound jealous but its trully not fair anymore...ive stood on the side lines for far too long. will i say anythin to him? no. why? because he wont understand...my grandma(his mom) encourages me to talk to him about it, but i always tell her, no, to just let it be. one day he'll understand. one day he'll look back on all the things he skipped out on in my life and hopefully feel bad about it...but if he tries to make it up it'll be too late. so i thought i would vent about his ignorance...

lovage to ya!

Monday, August 29, 2011

problems i face...

hey yall!!!

so i know ive talked before about my trust issues and not getting close to people...and my reasoning, etc. well i was looking it up to see if it was a phobia... turns out it is. its called AMMIDYPHOBIA. and it literally describes me. and NO if you read other stories about people being obsessive of other people, that is definitely NOT ME!!!!! my problem as i have described before is fear of someone leaving me. which...obviously plays out...(i totally blame my parents for this-mostly my mom-i literally always ask myself or have this running through my mind..."why didnt you want me?didnt you love me?what did i do for you to not want me?why did you leave me here?why didnt you ever come back?why didnt you ever call me or write me?why didnt you come find me when i was older?"those questions are what haunt my very being...and make me all effed up inside and what cause my issues to be the way they are..) and the worst part is i have these little, well not really episodes, nor attacks, but moments where when i have this uneasy feeling, when i open up to someone and they retaliate with this feeling of shutting a door. and then it in turn makes me feel like the walls are closing in and im being crammed into a tiny corner...it just really isnt a good feeling...i have numerous times broke down crying, balling...i want to get rid of these issues.i want my life to be normal...well i want to be able to trust people... anyway. that was issue #1... on to issue #2...now at first if you know me personally then you might disagree with what i'm about to say. but i also looked this up, and i strongly think i have social phobia/social anxiety... now you may also think wait,what? doesnt that sort of contradict the 1st issue? not wanting people to leave her, but have social problems too?
for me no. i dont really have a problem being social and talking to people, but when i talk (i never show it) but i can get really uncomfortable, my face will turn red,my thoughts get clouded...and i have bad problems with thinking people will judge me, or criticize me harshly, it almost makes me feel like a kid, who is cowering in fear from a scolding adult... and i havent told anyone in my family my hypothesized issues, for fear they will judge harshly, or they think im being over dramatic, or something of the sort...

a little fact for ya: Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the United States today. This type of anxiety affects 15 million Americans in any given year. Unlike some other psychological problems, social anxiety is not well understood by the general public or by medical and mental health care professionals, such as doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, social workers, and counselors. In fact, people with social anxiety are misdiagnosed almost 90% of the time. People with social phobia go to anxiety clinics labeled as "schizophrenic", "manic-depressive", "clinically depressed", "panic disordered", and "personality disordered", among other damaging misdiagnoses.

so yea i get to battle with these kinda stressful feelings everyday... FML!!!!! so if you see me and think im very outgoing...its a cover up. 

lovage to ya!

Friday, August 26, 2011

the girl i am...

hey yall!

well today i guess i'll explain something a friend of mine and i are talking about. COLLEGE... the most feared word for a brand new senior... and trying to decide where you are gonna go is just the death of us. anyway we were arguing how i should go to SCAD but i told her that no, im not talented enough to go to SCAD... but she says no way youre an awesome at writing, drawing, and singing. yea well maybe i'm good enough to sing in my room or in the car...but definitely not good enough to make it my profession... if i could sing every minute of everyday i would. if i wasnt so nervous i would get a bull horn and stick it out my truck window and sing at the top of my lungs. its been a dream of mine since i was a kid. i would give away everything i own if i just had a shot at singing...and i screwed up my chance at the recent community  talent show... that was completely awful... anyways just thought i would rant about my lost cause dream... everyone has one. its just they were talented enough to fulfill it...

lovage to ya..

Sunday, August 21, 2011


ok yall...

i was lookin through my posts and was wondering if ive been on this subject...NOPE not yet. :)
MY FAMILY AS SPORTS FANS! ive come to the conclusion that i dont care anymore if my family comes to my sports events. the only fans ive really had is my grandparents...and recently now just my grandma.
my dad is obviously too busy to come see me. he has a job that comes first. then it seems when it comes to him havin a chance to see me play he has to be somewhere else. im not even gonna start on my mom. she obviously has NEVER come to a game. because DUH she's only been in my life for like what? almost 3 yrs. well i didnt expect much from her. it seems my sister's soccer PRACTICE comes first before my last year of high school sports. but HELL!!! whatever. like i said it doesnt even matter now.

lovage to yall!

Sunday, August 7, 2011


hey yall!

i dont know if i've said this in another blog, or not, if i have then you can hear it again... i have awful STAGE FRIGHT!!! though i love to sing...more than anything. if i could sing every minute of every day i would. my friends say im an awesome singer, but i dont know, i think im one of those garage band soundin voices. good but not good enough. but there is this audition for a community talent show, and i really want to do it, but i dont know. it sounds like fun, but the stage fright might take over and screw me up. though i didnt do that bad when i was auditionin for a school thing...i think ill do it... now just gotta decide what to SING... damn...

lovage to ya!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

how one good mornin can turn to crap...

hey yall...

it is not good right now... ok so i dont know if i said it on any of my very early blogs... but if i didnt then you may or may not know that i have a MESSED UP family...my aunt is a damn demon. she is a horrible horrible person, she has caused so much pain to our family...and now i completely hate her. i dont want to even call her my aunt anymore.... but lets start from the beginnin shall we? (dramatic music begins...cloud opens into a thought story bubble...) ok so this mornin i wake up early go babysit the munchkins for a little while, jacey was soo cute :) then later on i go to my gma's job and im doin the stupid ad sales thing for school...i didnt sell any... oh well i dont even care bout it...then i go grab some lunch, and go get the hay for bully...i wanted to drive by myself because i wanted to see the hot guy that works there.. ;) and so i get home regularly as any other day...a couple of hours later thats when my bad luck struck... my aunt lied to me. as usual, sayin my gma said that she could have the broken old grill and an old baby bike(which was true) but she also had an old tiller... which to my dismay she wasnt supposed to have. and i was stupid enough to believe her... so anyway later on it gets worse...i wanted an ice cream and i live less than 5 minutes from a brusters...and im drivin back im in the turn lane with my ice cream in the cup holder and the radio down low, then all of a sudden my foot slips the break and i barely bump the guy in front of me...and im pretty sure the hot guy in the car next to me, was say oh s**t!!!! but after we pulled off to the side parkin lots, a couple hundred tears later, a written police report, and back home...my gma goes to the backyard to get the pressure washer...and sees a small tire mark in the dirt...and well there you have it the reason i hate my aunt forever...then a couple of hatin my life tweets and a becky hand slap later here i am writin you lovely people this blog... (and the dramatic music ends and the thought story bubble closes) so that was my really s**tty day!!!

lovage to ya...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

this is just me....

hey yall!
ok so yall know how stubborn of a person i am? and if you dont, you do now! i am more stubborn than both y parents combined...which if you knew them then you would think im the absolute most stubborn person!!! so my friends and i went out yesterday had a good time...now today they want me to go skatin, but (other than fallin off of a porch into some flowers) now im outta ca$h and told em i couldnt come...then one friend said she would pay for me, but my pride wouldnt let me...i kept insistin that i didnt want to go, and other excuses but then the other friend said that it was like payin for drivin everyone around yesterday... so i finally gave in, because it seemed fair. but i seriously hate it when someone has to pay for me...i mean except my parents, its their job, but that doesnt count...im talkin bout friends or their parents... anyway that was just one of my rantings on bout my pride and stubborness...

lovage to ya!

Saturday, April 2, 2011


hey yall...
so this is totally a random subject but you know those dreams you have where it feels SO REAL you feel like youre really there and you remember the dream as if it happened? well i totally had one of those dreams last night...
so i dreamed bout like three different things but they somehow were connected and i dont know, it just felt like i was actually there.

so comment below bout your craziest real dream. :)

lovage to ya!

Monday, March 28, 2011

an interestin point...

hey yall!!!
so i know its late on a monday night of all nights?! but i thought i would talk bout somethin im prob gonna see tomorrow...well hear, not really see...but people(my fellow friends and students)since freshman year people try to generalize me...and stereotype me...i like to wear a lot of black...thats just the way i am...but when people think its all i ever wear they are mistaken...and so today i come in with an indigo colored top, khaki skirt, black tank top, and black strap sandles... so everyone freaks out like oh my gosh you look girly! i was like STFU!!!! for one...before you saw me wear this i wore a black skirt and black shirt...is that not girly? im pretty damn sure it is!!! just because its not pink girly doesnt mean its anythin but. so yea people i wear different colors other than black, especially since the spring and summer is comin!!! kthanks biznitches...im tired so ill post some more stuff later!!

lovage to ya!

one and only!

hey yall!!
so lately and in the past since my mom is back in the picture of my messed up life...people like to compare me to my mom and dad... i guess some good stuff...i didnt turn out that bad :P haha well, i turned out changin over the course of my life...but for my personality it has stayed the same.

compared to mom- so of couse the first thing you think of when you see us together, we look A LOT alike. thats a given. but everyone also says we have similar personalities...NEWS FLASH!!! NO WE DONT!!! i have different views, im religious, im a whole lot of other things she isnt... but yes in our other ways we are alike.

compared to dad- and yes me and him look alike too...i apparently got his temper, athletic ability(a big part), COMPETITIVENESS, and some other things...

and sometimes they say(the adults who know both my parents)"youre the daughter of eric and amanda!" i think yea WHATS YOUR POINT?!!
but you know combinin all these qualities makes one thing... PEYT CASE!!! im my own person, im not one or the other...im not more of one and less of the other...im ME...the one and only...
just thought i would clear that up...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Rebecca Black - Friday (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

ok yall... so i dont think ive covered singin yet... well this chick i think covers it for me... you know im all for singin and free expression but when you dont have a good voice you just need to keep that shit to yourself! but when you have a good voice you dont flaunt it, you act humbley...

lovage to ya!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

a song that hits me...

hey yall!!! so ive heard this song before...but its been a while since ive heard it... its called "boats and birds" by gregory and the hawk... its a slow little song....but so meaningful

but if there is ever a time where i want to break down and cry my eyes out from anythin that goes down, i listen to it, and it livens me up.

whenever, you may not even believe me, i get that tempting jealousy of my a certain sibling, i listen to it to tell myself that i shouldnt have that moment of jealousy.

whenever i feel like my dad doesnt have time for me because im the oldest of my siblings and he needs to take care of them first. that is one reason i joined soccer this year, not just because i missed the sport, but because it gives him a reason to spend time with me...

its a long endured thing with that last subject, but i dont want to get into it now... thats a subject for another day. well its gonna be a small post today...but i just wanted to say how much i love this song... its like it pulls me out a darkness and sends my mind into the stars where i can close my eyes and think everythin is the way it should be. its absolutley fabulous... and when you see the lyrics you'll think wait what?! does that even correspond with what she said... i think it does but, take it as you will...

"boats and birds"
If you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

if you be my boat
I'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free

but you can set sail to the west if you want to
and past the horizon till I can't even see you
far from here where the beaches are wide
just leave me your wake to remember you by

if you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by
stardust to remember you by

so..lovage to yall!!!

Monday, March 7, 2011

livin life :)

hey yall!!!!
so have you ever had a sufficiently awkward day when you know you see someone comment about you because they look up at you as they talk?
from my observation throughout the day, i saw this about 20 times!! i swear if people have nothin goin on their lives during the day, and in&out the hallways then they need to find somethin to fill up the empty space in your life. well the best part of livin the famous peytcase lifestyle, is that if you live it, then youre bold enough to go up to the people who are talkin crap bout people and confront them...

im not conceited but there is one rule i live by that i love!! the one where i really dont care what people think and they put it in my suggestion box if they want to say anything. i mean really, people actually think i care what they say! and i laugh in their faces!!!! because seriously? why should anyone care what someone else cares about?! they shouldnt!! life is way to short to care what other people think :) sssooo...
my wonderful followers.... take this into consideration..

lovage to ya!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

(long endured sigh)...

i love teen shows... but i hate when they have to add in some time or another where one of the girls on the show has to accidentally get pregnant... and it actually bothers me, because for 2 reasons... 1. is because everytime they show it, its the same thing...pretty much the guy leaves when the girl wont abort the baby. 2.because it makes me think, would my mom have tried to abort me? and its a question i've always asked myself...and i wish i had someone to relate on this... because all my friends have either married or divorced parents,but that was a different cause, like i cant talk to them bout it...the reason mine arent together is because they dropped me with my dad's parents and my mom was now gone from the picture...i've gotta tell you though livin with my grandparents could've been the best thing in my life that happened to me, but it wouldve been nice to have both of them in my life at once... now DO NOT get me wrong, i LOVE my stepmom...she's the most amazin person in my life right now, and always will be...and i know she knows it, she did all she could to fill that empty space in my life since i was a kid, and i'm grateful for that everyday of my life.

but you highschool born kids are not alone... it hurts... A LOT... it makes you feel like youre different, like it's your fault that your parents broke up, or something of the sort. but its not our fault our parents weren't careful and didn't use protection. but if they didnt then we amazin people wouldnt be here... just never think that's it our fault...

lovage to ya,
my people!

valentines flowers....

uuggghhhh..... valentine's day kills me...not just because its an annoyin holiday, but because the dude i like is one of my good friends, and he doesnt even realize it...i dont know how more obvious it could be??!!! ooohhh.... swear dudes are genetically programmed not to understand girl hints, except the gay ones haha like a bestie of mine, and he's amazin :) but this guy i'm talkin bout is clueless to how i feel... :/
lovage to ya!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


so i'm really excited for soccer...everyone freaked out, good freak out...but i'm just really nervous bout the season..yea

Monday, February 7, 2011


hey yall...well i made a crazy big decision today... its not that i had to choose one or the other, its just that i couldnt have done both...i dont think my mental stability couldve taken it...i had to choose to play soccer with my highschool, or do the spring musical... and i LOVE BOTH sports and the arts...but sometimes i feel like my family doesnt get that i love both...and i want to do both, but today i had to make a choice which one i would do,because i knowi would have to choose just one... so i chose soccer... not because there was a huge PRESSURE put upon my shoulders to play but the fact i missed it after so long without playin... though i was lookin forward to havin a bigger role this year in the spring musical... (long dramatic sigh) i guess i'm glad i chose what chose...and i could tell my dad was proud,and that's all i could ask for... i guess we'll see how it works out...
lovage to ya..

Thursday, February 3, 2011


ok yall.... so this is how it goes down... my family are huge sports people... through my 16 years of life i have transitioned from soccer to volleyball to softball...we are very competitive. and dont get me wrong i love playin sports, because i'm a VERY comptitive person also. i do whatever it takes to be #1. to be the shinnin one once and a while...because once you see how fast i catch on to a sport, i shine. not tryin to be conceited. because i'm really not. but after my recent softball season ended some of my friends tried to hastle me bout playin soccer again...and i loved soccer foever!!! i still love it, but when some how i dont know, i feel like i'm not good enough anymore to play in highschool. because all i did before was a traveling team called "the patriots" who are now the bulls which is kiinda stupid, and is a competitor of my little sisters' team who is arsenal...but as everyone knows any sport in highschool is very competitive to get into than it is for club team. in a way i'm kind of excited about it.... uuggghhhh....

lovage to ya!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


ok yall, so we all know the story of "oh my gosh i really like this guy! but he's completely oblivious..." well that same story is happenin now...ole boy is completely oblivious to the fact i like him...he is one of my really good friends but dang it if he cant see whats right in front of him....

speaking of the game of love valentines day is comin up...and im still lonely...yyyeeeaaaaa....
but its not all that bad...ill find that awesome dude one day....but can it be a little sooner?
lovage to ya!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

not cool...a little redundant...

ok, so as i said earlier, im not here to push my views all in your face...but im a southern catholic, republican, PRO-LIFER!!!
and i hate when there are catholics out there who make a mochery of us...then people stereotype us...like "oh my gosh, those catholics are crazy and they get all up in your face and crap!" but no we are most CERTAINLY NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!! im just clearin up some confusion...and if you want to ask me or have an amusin conversation of the subject... please comment below

lovage to ya!

if anyone wonders...

hey yall! so my blog hasnt quite picked up yet... but im sure it will... even if it doesnt, i dont really care because its my blog and i can pour myself out in it...so if anyone was wonderin who that adorable boy is in profile pic?????
well he is my uber sweet, awesome, fun to joke around with, guy friend...and you can totally see that we goof off because we were playin in the apple store here in the aug, ga....and me and him became a lot closer this year as juniors in highschool, than we did as freshman or sophomores. and holy crap he effin loves lady gaga!! XD and he is so sweet and innocent, and like freakin nice?! not like those stupid man-ho guys out there who are "nice",you know the ones who just act nice to get close to a girl just to get what he wants...no dude this kid is freakin nice...like ive never seen him get mad before, hes that kind to turn the other shoulder, and just has that essence of bein the better person. i admire him for that...he can be a little wacky sometimes, especially when he opens up and you get him off on a subject... so thats just an overview of one my really good guy friends.

lovage to ya!!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

say what you mean,mean what you say....not always...

ok yall, im upfront bout my religious views, but im not here to preach to you, or convert you, or any of that shit, im catholic, but thats not quite relevant to the point im makin... so this passed friday im on a retreat...and in the course of the day, im bored as HELL!!! but when we get along to the church service, the priest that's been desperately long-winded all day, comes up with this insane,amazin, homily that was a complete tear jerker...and it made me think bout somethin i havent recalled in a while...but this point changed my life, and it made me think twice bout what i say, before i say it. so the priest, long story short, tells bout this boy who really messed up and shouldnt have been such a bratty kid and it cost him a loved one..
and it made me think of a story my grandma told me when i was younger about a friend of hers.
   so this girl's birthday comes up and remember this was the old days, so money was tight and was brought in, in small amounts. and she really wanted these boots. it wouldve meant the world to her. but when she woke up the next mornin she didnt see them, so she was extremely mad and said to her father "i hate you! i wish you would die!" and she goes to school, and half way through the day she gets a call saying her father was in killed in a car reck...and so she goes home, and as she gets home she sees in the corner of the living room, the boots she had asked for, for her birthday and so she blamed herself for her fathers death...

the point im makin behind this, is be humble, and watch what you wish for because you will say somethin one day and youre gonna regret what the outcome will bring...and after i heard this story when i was young...i have NEVER said i hate you to anyone, not because im paranoid, or because i do or dont believe in fait and karma, but because i really cant hate anyone...i just cant. i dont have the patience, time, or ability to.

so say what you mean, mean what you say, but think before you say it.
lovage to ya!