Hey yall!

welcome to my blog...this is my life as peytcase... here you'll get nothin but truth, quotes, videos, craziness, and everythin you get from a highschool life!

Monday, August 29, 2011

problems i face...

hey yall!!!

so i know ive talked before about my trust issues and not getting close to people...and my reasoning, etc. well i was looking it up to see if it was a phobia... turns out it is. its called AMMIDYPHOBIA. and it literally describes me. and NO if you read other stories about people being obsessive of other people, that is definitely NOT ME!!!!! my problem as i have described before is fear of someone leaving me. which...obviously plays out...(i totally blame my parents for this-mostly my mom-i literally always ask myself or have this running through my mind..."why didnt you want me?didnt you love me?what did i do for you to not want me?why did you leave me here?why didnt you ever come back?why didnt you ever call me or write me?why didnt you come find me when i was older?"those questions are what haunt my very being...and make me all effed up inside and what cause my issues to be the way they are..) and the worst part is i have these little, well not really episodes, nor attacks, but moments where when i have this uneasy feeling, when i open up to someone and they retaliate with this feeling of shutting a door. and then it in turn makes me feel like the walls are closing in and im being crammed into a tiny corner...it just really isnt a good feeling...i have numerous times broke down crying, balling...i want to get rid of these issues.i want my life to be normal...well i want to be able to trust people... anyway. that was issue #1... on to issue #2...now at first if you know me personally then you might disagree with what i'm about to say. but i also looked this up, and i strongly think i have social phobia/social anxiety... now you may also think wait,what? doesnt that sort of contradict the 1st issue? not wanting people to leave her, but have social problems too?
for me no. i dont really have a problem being social and talking to people, but when i talk (i never show it) but i can get really uncomfortable, my face will turn red,my thoughts get clouded...and i have bad problems with thinking people will judge me, or criticize me harshly, it almost makes me feel like a kid, who is cowering in fear from a scolding adult... and i havent told anyone in my family my hypothesized issues, for fear they will judge harshly, or they think im being over dramatic, or something of the sort...

a little fact for ya: Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the United States today. This type of anxiety affects 15 million Americans in any given year. Unlike some other psychological problems, social anxiety is not well understood by the general public or by medical and mental health care professionals, such as doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, social workers, and counselors. In fact, people with social anxiety are misdiagnosed almost 90% of the time. People with social phobia go to anxiety clinics labeled as "schizophrenic", "manic-depressive", "clinically depressed", "panic disordered", and "personality disordered", among other damaging misdiagnoses.

so yea i get to battle with these kinda stressful feelings everyday... FML!!!!! so if you see me and think im very outgoing...its a cover up. 

lovage to ya!

Friday, August 26, 2011

the girl i am...

hey yall!

well today i guess i'll explain something a friend of mine and i are talking about. COLLEGE... the most feared word for a brand new senior... and trying to decide where you are gonna go is just the death of us. anyway we were arguing how i should go to SCAD but i told her that no, im not talented enough to go to SCAD... but she says no way youre an awesome at writing, drawing, and singing. yea well maybe i'm good enough to sing in my room or in the car...but definitely not good enough to make it my profession... if i could sing every minute of everyday i would. if i wasnt so nervous i would get a bull horn and stick it out my truck window and sing at the top of my lungs. its been a dream of mine since i was a kid. i would give away everything i own if i just had a shot at singing...and i screwed up my chance at the recent community  talent show... that was completely awful... anyways just thought i would rant about my lost cause dream... everyone has one. its just they were talented enough to fulfill it...

lovage to ya..

Sunday, August 21, 2011


ok yall...

i was lookin through my posts and was wondering if ive been on this subject...NOPE not yet. :)
MY FAMILY AS SPORTS FANS! ive come to the conclusion that i dont care anymore if my family comes to my sports events. the only fans ive really had is my grandparents...and recently now just my grandma.
my dad is obviously too busy to come see me. he has a job that comes first. then it seems when it comes to him havin a chance to see me play he has to be somewhere else. im not even gonna start on my mom. she obviously has NEVER come to a game. because DUH she's only been in my life for like what? almost 3 yrs. well i didnt expect much from her. it seems my sister's soccer PRACTICE comes first before my last year of high school sports. but HELL!!! whatever. like i said it doesnt even matter now.

lovage to yall!

Sunday, August 7, 2011


hey yall!

i dont know if i've said this in another blog, or not, if i have then you can hear it again... i have awful STAGE FRIGHT!!! though i love to sing...more than anything. if i could sing every minute of every day i would. my friends say im an awesome singer, but i dont know, i think im one of those garage band soundin voices. good but not good enough. but there is this audition for a community talent show, and i really want to do it, but i dont know. it sounds like fun, but the stage fright might take over and screw me up. though i didnt do that bad when i was auditionin for a school thing...i think ill do it... now just gotta decide what to SING... damn...

lovage to ya!