Hey yall!

welcome to my blog...this is my life as peytcase... here you'll get nothin but truth, quotes, videos, craziness, and everythin you get from a highschool life!

Friday, December 23, 2011

its all in my head...

hey yall!

so yall know hopefully by now how my mind works...it goes different directions thinkin different things all at once... i should draw a map of my inner sub-conscience one day... it might be a little morbid. but when i have friend problems, you know, the people that i pull down my walls just enough to get close-ish to.
i mean maybe im just over sensitive, definitely not over reactin, but sometimes i take things too seriously, though my better judgement tells me to leave it be. my short fuse inner temper gets the best of me, and i start drivin like a bat outta hell... but when somethin like this happens it just breaks me down. it burns me apart, into specks of ash blowin in the wind.

but can you blame me for being over sensitive?! they dont know how things get processed in my mind...somethin they say can be interpreted as somethin completely different in my head. they dont know how one harmless joke can hurt me so much. i laugh with them so i dont show it hurts me...i hold back so much from yall. and it hurts me that is has to be that way. but its for the best...

i would love to tell you my problems!!! you dont know how badly i want to scream them to the world! how i want to sit and tell you all everything...but i cant find the words and you cant find the right place in your heart to listen the way i want you to. so thats why a very long time ago i told myself i would never tell my friends my problems, its nothin i want to bother them with...my grandma calls me strong for never falling under the haze of bodily harm, if she only knew. i feel like the girl from the flyleaf song "fully alive" i feel like all my bones are broken, i would be glad for one day of comfort....to make up for all the days ive suffered.

do i ever cry in front of them? HELL NO!!!! cryin in front of them shows weakness. i will never cry in front of them. i dont like to be pitied. i dont want your sympathy. its unneeded and unwanted. you asked me that question. you wanted me to tell you my story. then you get all awkward and want to give me sympathy because your life is nothin compared to mine? i dont want it. the fact my life is so screwed up, has opened my eyes to reality. your sheltered life wont cut it with me.i dont put up with pampered life styles..you have everythin you want yet you complain? you need to sit the F*** down!!!! if anythin i feel sorry for you...you dont know that the decisions you make could end up turnin your world upside down...your kids could end up on the same boat as myself and a lot of other people.tired of it all, wanting to get away from it all... at least thats how i feel about it...

anyway thats all im gonna do with this rant...

lovage to ya!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

not how this works...

hey yall!!!

my blood is boilin.
my temper is becomin untamed.
im startin to lose my mind. that fuckin POSER!!!!!
youre not me! you never will! you'll never have the guts to
do the things i do...and you sure as hell cant pull them off if you try.
its been a long drawn out process of the subtle things you do,but now
youre drivin me over the EDGE!

so sweet heart stop tryin to be me, youre not me, you gotta be your own damn person. dont go doin somethin right after i do! im startin to think of you as the creepy ass girl from the room mate!

bitch they call people like you a POSER!!! WANNA-BE!!!!

lovage to yall!!!

Monday, December 19, 2011

messed up...

hey yall!

sooo...i know ive complained about my dad before...but i need to again. so it was sunday and all the family were up at "the place" which is my grandma's land in winfield community near appling, ga. now i love all my siblings so much and wouldnt know what to do without them, but i think my dad treats them different sometimes. treats them better. i mean come on, my grandma can even vouche for me!! so we were on the dock fishin and my brother and i were by ourselves while everyone went on a walk...soon my dad comes along and starts throwin a beetle spin for a few minutes. then he hooks a big bass and hands the rod to my brother. they get the fish to the dock and later they weigh it and its 5 lbs. my dad and step mom freak out and go look for a piece of cedar wood to mount the fish! now pay mind ive got a mallard drake in the freezer thats been waitin to be mounted for 2 years!!! and they are worried about my brother's first fish mount. and i got my first deer a couple weeks back and ive heard no word on gettin that nounted... now who do you think gets treated better? who do you think is more important? when was my piece of cedar looked for 2 years ago??!!! it makes me crazy that he puts all of them before me. i know im the oldest and cant be selfish but thats just takin advantage of my patience. i know it makes me sound jealous but its trully not fair anymore...ive stood on the side lines for far too long. will i say anythin to him? no. why? because he wont understand...my grandma(his mom) encourages me to talk to him about it, but i always tell her, no, to just let it be. one day he'll understand. one day he'll look back on all the things he skipped out on in my life and hopefully feel bad about it...but if he tries to make it up it'll be too late. so i thought i would vent about his ignorance...

lovage to ya!